


place your hands on my heart; you're like the roaring waves

by bruxism



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alien!Kuroko, Alternate Universe - Aliens, Alternate Universe - Demons, Alternate Universe - Shapeshifters, Alternate Universe - Space, Human!Kagami, Humor, M/M, Multi, Road Trips, THERE IS A PLOT THOUGH, a bit of angst, aesthetic teens doing aesthetic things, alien!furihata, alien!murasakibara, demon!aomine, demon!momoi, dumbfuck human who likes to piss off supernatural beings!takao, fun convenience store theft, half-god!tatsuya, have a bunch of fun finding it, human!kasamatsu, kagami and takao form a two man band, kagami and tatsuya and alex family feels, kagami on the triangle bc illuminati, kagami will literally go with anything he's the one cool friend who's down with murder, literal alien-emperor of the universe!akashi, shapeshifter!kise, shapeshifter!midorima, takao on the tambourine, the murahimu is a major ship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-04 03:30:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6639616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bruxism/pseuds/bruxism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kagami Taiga likes to say he can adapt to anything pretty easily. So maybe that’s why he didn’t scream or go into denial when a lazy, arrogant demon decided he, Kagami Taiga, was going to be his bride, and it’s probably why he only sighed when he met a blue-haired alien who offered to be the third person in the relationship.</p><p>Or;</p><p>The Story In Which Kagami Taiga, resident 17 year old basketball player who lives in L.A., gets "kidnapped" (he totally goes willingly) by Aomine Daiki, your (more than) average demon who really just wants a bride (insert Kagami, the only one who didn’t run away from him screaming), and then Kuroko, Aomine’s favorite, cute alien who just wants everyone to be friends -and to maybe, possibly, date Aomine and Kagami- gets thrown into the mix.</p><p>DISCONTINUED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE lmao sorry y'all</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the first chapter in their journey

Taiga wasn’t sure what the big deal was. Everyone on the basketball court who had been playing, and the spectators who were watching, were all screaming and running about, yelling obscenities and screeching about how the world was about to end, and it was all because of some tanned, blue-haired, not to mention _hot_ , idiot had suddenly appeared in the middle of the court, with nothing but a slight POP! And a chuckle at the chaos as he conjured a stupid looking walking stick out of thin air.

So, yeah, Taiga raised his forked eyebrow at that somewhat magician-like appearance and act, but hey, there was still a basketball game going on, and he’d fuck himself if he didn’t get to finish it. He hadn’t been playing much since Tatsuya went missing and Alex got a job across the state, because without his family, basketball hadn’t meant anything, really. He played, but only on his courts at his stupidly rich and fancy house, and normally stopped because basketball reminded him of Tatsuya, who, like it was stated earlier, went missing. Two months ago. And Taiga normally felt too depressed or worried to even play basketball because of that, so.

That stupid magician was pissin’ him off. Most everyone was running to the street court’s fence exit, but Kagami was still holding his basketball in his hand, a fierce anger burning in his stomach because his game was interrupted.

The tanned man then had the audacity to smirk at the crying and scared people -well, the ones who were still waiting to escape, since the exit was kinda small and a lot of people came to watch the games- and for some reason, that really fucking annoyed Taiga.

“Oi!” Taiga yelled out to the magician-y guy. “Think fast!”

He threw the basketball into the guy’s stomach, and it was with a sickening thud that it hit his target. Said target wrapped his hands around his stomach and groaned, bending over once the full force of the ball went through his body.

“If you’re gonna scare away the competition, then we might as well play,” Kagami said, an eyebrow raised with a cocky smirk on his face. The blue-haired man stopped groaning and let up from his curled in position, his eyes finding Taiga’s, and he smiled.

Now Taiga wouldn’t say the smile scared him, if one day asked, but he’d maybe say that it sent a shiver down his spine, because the raw power and intensity present in those stupidly gorgeous blue eyes had shocked the shit out of him.

“Alright, let’s play. Prepare to be annihilated,” Taiga’s opponent said, a feral grin on his face. He felt his mouth twisting into his own animalistic grin, and he got into position.

“I’ll play defense.”

Taiga’s opponent nodded, and for the first time in a long time, Taiga forgot about Tatsuya, and just focused on the game.

* * *

 

Needless to say, Taiga was beaten in the game, 25-18. He felt satisfied, though, because he got to play against such an amazing fuckin player, but was also still kind of pissed because he didn’t even know the guy’s name, and the stupid fuck was flaunting and bragging about his win- to Taiga. The loser of the game.

“Shut the hell up,” Taiga groaned out after listening to the guy go on about how “The only one who can beat him is him” for more than a minute. The guy stopped mid-sentence, and sent a frown to Taiga.

“Excuse me?” He asked, clearly offended and hurt by Taiga’s exasperation. Taiga only sighed at this point.

“You’re an amazing basketball player, but annoying as hell,” He muttered, rolling his eyes at the stupidly hot guy. Said stupidly hot guy began to get an annoyed look on his face, and opened his mouth to spew out whatever shit he was thinking.

“I’m the one who’s annoying as hell? Excuse me, but did I throw a holyball at someone? Did I challenge someone to a game of holyball, and then almost win? You’re the only person to ever last against me for this long, so don’t tell me I’m annoying when you’re a literal human who has managed to almost beat me- something no one does, and it’s fuckin annoying because I don’t know why!” The man exclaimed angrily, throwing his hands in the air to show his frustrations with Taiga.

Taiga gave the blue-eyed man The Look™, the one he saved for people acting especially stupid around him, and then proceeded to let out a few laughs.

“H-Holyball? What the f-fuck!” He spluttered out, his laughter growing. The boy who cried holyball looked affronted and it took all Taiga had in him to not walk up and laugh in his face.

“Shut the fuck up, at least _I_ don’t call it basketball!” He yelled, scowling in anger, his eyes narrowed as he pointed his finger at Taiga.

He received another Look, and before Taiga could reply with why he called it basketball and not something fucking stupid like ‘holyball’ there was another POP! And someone else showed up on the basketball court.

It was at this point that Taiga realized there was something wrong with their ways of appearing somewhere, but since his heart wasn’t beating too fast and he didn’t feel scared, he didn’t care much.

Damn, were his priorities in the right place.

“Aomine-kun, are you tormenting humans again?” The newcomer asked, his tone fairly monotonous, though there was a hint of exasperation leaked into it.

The newcomer had sky-blue hair, with small, pure white horn looking things poking out from his head. He was fairly short, and had pretty blue eyes the same color of his hair, with pale pink lips that _wow, Taiga was not going to faint over._

The horns were somewhat of a signal to ask the question of ‘what the fuck’ but Taiga didn’t feel much of an inclination to do so.

It was probably some cosplay or something like that. God knows Taiga had run into a few crazy Naruto fans before and he doesn’t wish to repeat the experience of Running Away And Trying Not To Let Their Very Much Real Ninja Stars Hit Him In The Back™

So that being said, all Taiga did was raise an eyebrow. “You say that as if you’re not human,” He remarked. The short one looked over to him and fixed his eyes on Taiga, and then, Taiga got the weirdest sensation he’d ever felt.

It was like someone was probing his temples with a metal ball. It didn’t hurt, but it felt weird. And judging by the short one’s look, it was him doing it.

“Oi, cut that out, dude. Don’t know how you’re doin’ it, but you’re doing something to my mind and I _really_ don’t appreciate it.” Taiga growled out, staring at the sky-blue haired cutie. Hell, maybe Taiga should have been terrified that there was something probing his mind like in one of those Aliens Are Real tv shows Alex made him watch once, but nothing really surprised Taiga anymore to the point of fear or denial, or something stupid like saying something clearly supernatural was a coincidence (he could now 100% say he believed in the paranormal because the Oujia Board experience with Alex and Tatsuya, like damn).

It was then that the tallest of the three, ‘Aomine-kun’, began to choke on his spit. ‘F-Fuck, Tet-tsu, oh my fuc-cki-ng God,” He said between coughs. Taiga began to walk a few steps closer, to maybe thump the dude on his back a bit (and maybe harder than he would with anyone else because this Aomine-kun is a little fucker) but the next words he said stopped Taiga in his tracks. “He’s a keeper, I’m marrying him.”

Taiga began to laugh hysterically. “Sorry, bud, but I don’t kiss on the first date, much less marry. And we haven’t even went on a date, so, yeah, no.” He said between raucous laughs that sent the so-called Tetsu and Aomine-kun reeling back.

“Aomine-kun, for once in your life, you made a correct decision.” Tetsu said, and Taiga’s laughter died down into a few small chuckles every few seconds or so.

“No, but seriously, how the hell did you appear here?” Taiga asked, a hand settled on his side as he felt a stitch in it appear.

“Hah? Don’t you all apparate to where you wanna go?” Aomine-kun asked, clearly confused. Tetsu just shook his head at the tallest teen.

“Aomine-kun, humans can’t apparate, or do the stuff we do,” He explained, sounding weary and as though he’d memorized what he was saying. Taiga couldn’t blame him- this Aomine-kun guy seemed like one fucking character who was probably pretty fuckin dumb if he couldn’t remember something.

But still- there was the word ‘human’ added into the sentence, and it confused Taiga. Were these guys cosplayers or something supernatural.

“The hell do you mean by that? Are you not human?” He asked. Tetsu, who seemed to be intelligent and level-headed, sent a nod Taiga’s way and began to sip a milkshake that wasn’t there before.

Okay. **Okay**.  ** _Okay_**.

Taiga knew he adapted easily to things- he’d always preferred to go with the flow of life, and not try to deny everything or attempt to stop what would be the natural course of nature. Since he was a young boy, Tatsuya had taught him to only change the things he was capable of controlling.

This was something he was not capable of controlling.

So it was with one word that he told them what he thought of that blunt statement.

“Okay.”

After Taiga said what was probably the stupidest thing in his life, Tetsu and Aomine-kun stopped communicating with each other silently, with their eyes, and turned to Taiga with questioning and intense looks on their faces, like they couldn’t believe he wasn’t screaming or running away in terror by now. Like they were trying to solve him, as though he was some type of holographic puzzle and they couldn’t tell whether the piece went to the bottom left or middle right.

“What?” Taiga asked, rubbing his arm with his hand. His white tank top began to flutter as a breeze rolled by, and he began to smell the distinct scent of vanilla. “Wait, do you guys smell that?” He asked, turning his nose to the scent’s originating spot.

It was Tetsu.

Taiga sighed- he probably should have known. This was some supernatural creature, someone that could probably kill him with the snap of their fingers.

“My apologies, we  haven’t introduced ourselves. My name is Kuroko Tetsuya, and I’m an alien, and he,” Kuroko pointed towards Aomine-kun, “is Aomine Daiki, a demon. Pleasure to meet you.” Kuroko said, his tone soft and airy.

It was then that Taiga began to fumble for words, as he realized that yes, this was very much real, and yes, he’s kind of terrified.

He was conversing with an alien and a demon, and yeah he had always stuck to his rule of ‘go with the flow, don’t try to change what’s out of your control, and be able to adapt easily’ but damn- this was something that even Tatsuya probably couldn’t predict.

“Well, uh, that’s great and all, I’m Taiga Kagami, uh, glad to meet you,” He said, and sat down on the concrete basketball court. He breathed in a big gulp of air and closed his eyes, pinching his arm as hard as he could.

He felt the stinging pain from his fingers and quickly retracted his hand. Okay, so this wasn’t a dream. Okay, okay. He’s fine. It’s not like he’s chilling with an alien and demon, who, may he add, could dissect him and test on him for their own benefit.

Well, even if they did do that, Taiga thought he’d be fine with it. He’d just played one of the best games of basketball ever, and hey, he got to meet an alien and a demon. Most people would kill for this chance.

He opened his eyes with a sigh, but then promptly shrieked and crawled backwards as he looked upon the two supernatural creatures who had invaded his personal space, AKA putting their faces less than two inches away from his and peering intently at him.

“So, marriage?” Aomine grinned, and Taiga kind of felt like he could trust this demon.

And hey, if this marriage ended in divorce, Taiga would be the one to get the money. Not like he really needed it though, with a rich-as-fuck father.

“Sure."


	2. the sweet feeling of being woken up six hours after falling asleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which kuroko and aomine magically find kagami's house and parade upstairs into his room, disturbing kagami's sleep, some things are done, kuroko's alien abilities are talked about, and 
> 
> kagami gets the feelings

Taiga didn’t really expect to get married to Aomine. He kind of expected a camera crew to pop out and say, “haha, gotcha!” but alas, that didn’t happen and so the next day, after an awkward phone number exchange and high-five (“Can I go now?” “Yeah, see ya, Taiga,” “Farewell, Taiga-san,” “Here- my number-  _ fuck  _ you don’t just grab my phone from my hands!” “Whatever.”), Taiga woke up in his room to see Kuroko sitting at his desk, going through his photo albums and Aomine on the floor in front of the TV looking through his DVDs. 

Taiga had gotten ready to rage and throw a fit, mainly because Aomine was being an absolute asshole and not bothering to put his DVDs back, and because Kuroko was going through his more personal albums, but then he looked at Kuroko’s outfit, a blue and lilac tank top with beige shorts and cute, pale pink socks, and suddenly, he was reminded of how adorable and cute the alien was, and how Kuroko probably wasn’t meaning any harm. 

Aomine on the other hand looked like a burnt piece of shit that didn’t even try, so Taiga found it alright to get pissy at him. He was wearing an old, ratty, off color grey shirt with stains in various places, all very dark, like blood had stained it (or maybe ketchup Taiga sure hopes it’s ketchup) and a pair of loose jeans that have a foot-long rip down the inner thigh of his left leg. 

Aomine wasn’t even wearing shoes (well, neither was Kuroko so Taiga shouldn’t be too rude, but really though, Kuroko’s socks made up for it). 

Aomine kind of just irked Taiga- not in a necessarily good or bad way, just in… A way. It was like his presence was comforting, but at the same time infuriating as hell. 

“So, you guys decided to just not ask me if you were allowed in my house, not to mention my room?” Taiga questioned, a bit of irritation leaking into his voice. Kuroko and Aomine both looked up from what they were doing, and stared at Taiga for a few moments, like they didn’t understand his anger and why he was directing it at them.

“Is that a problem?” Kuroko asked, tilting his head to the side. The short, coned white horns on his head became easier to see, and for a few seconds, Taiga forgot about everything besides the sight of them. Strangely enough, they reminded him of vanilla. They were small cones on his head which, and Taiga wouldn’t tell Kuroko this for fear of being dissected because it might somehow annoy the small guy, reminded him of vanilla ice cream.

But then Aomine sighed, and stood up from his position on the ground and thumped Taiga’s back a few times, startling Taiga enough to tear his eyes away from the horns and look at the tanned male. 

“The hell was that for?” Taiga growled out. His back was sore now and Aomine looked smug about the whole thing. And Kuroko was still acting oblivious to it all, and just- 

“You were spaced out for like, ten minutes, stupid,” Aomine said in a know-it-all tone of voice. Taiga kind of wanted to beat the shit out of him for acting superior towards him (though in all honesty, Aomine was superior to him. Taiga’s just your average human and Aomine’s a fuckin demon).

But then that led to another question- ten minutes? Taiga could have sworn he’d only been staring for a few seconds, maybe thirty at most. So what the hell? Was this an example of one of Kuroko’s freaky alien powers? 

Taiga opened his mouth to spit out a question, but Kuroko spoke up before he could. “I apologize, Taiga-san. I forgot that exposure to my power radiators could entrance humans.” Kuroko sounded as apologetic as a sponge. Which is, not at all. His voice was the same monotone it had been yesterday, and it kind of irked Taiga even more than he already was. 

He’d woken up, like, fifteen minutes ago if what Aomine had said was true, and he still hadn’t even gotten an answer to his first question. He glanced over to Aomine, somewhat trusting him to give him a correct answer, and then re-asked his question.

“Why the hell didn’t you ask to come in my house, let alone my room? Goddammit, this isn’t something that you can just do whenever. I need to sleep without the fear of being dissected or eaten by you two,” Taiga ground out. He glanced over at the clock, and his eyes widened and he let out a squawk of disbelief. 

It was only 8:45 AM. And Taiga normally wakes up around noon, considering he goes to bed around 2:00 AM every morning. 

He only had to take a look at his two unwanted guests to come to a conclusion. 

They’d probably woken him up. 

_ Hooray for six fuckin hours of sleep,  _ Taiga thought bitterly with a frown on his face.

His train of thought was banished from his mind when Kuroko spoke up. “But Taiga-san, if we’re all three getting married, then don’t we have a right to know about your personal interests and thoughts? I apologize if-” Kuroko was then cut off by Taiga as he choked. 

“All- All thr-ee of us?! Wha- WHAT THE HELL?! I THOUGHT I WAS ONLY GETTIN’ MARRIED TO THAT BASTARD!” He exploded pointing his finger at Aomine. Kuroko covered his ears with his stupidly cute and dainty hands, and Aomine just smirked smugly. 

“Well, yeah, duh. Tetsu and I have been together for centuries- like, six, next month, if I’m right. And if us two,” Aomine motioned back and forth with his hand to the still bed-ridden and cranky Taiga. “Are getting married, then why not include Tetsu? Just look at him, he’s adorable.” Aomine scrunched the limp Kuroko’s cheeks together for emphasis. 

Well. Taiga couldn’t disagree with that logic- especially the adorable part. Kuroko was cute as fuck.

So that being said Taiga sighed and nodded. “Okay, yeah, that’s understandable,” Taiga said, rubbing his eyes with his fists. “Now get out, I’m changing.” He muttered, pulling the covers off of his body fully. 

Kuroko nodded, and began towards the window. It took Taiga a few seconds to wonder why, because like, does he have cool alien flying powers? Or was he gonna attempt to jump down from the fourth story of his house? Because that would be fuckin’ dumb if he did do that, let Taiga tell you. He’d almost done it himself once, but- never mind.

Taiga watched silently as Kuroko opened the cracked window, and a pink and blue hovering disk that seemed keen on flashing with differently colored, disco looking lights, came buzzing up to the blue-eyed alien’s side. 

“I’ll be back in five minutes,” Kuroko said as he stepped out the window and onto the disk. He sat criss-crossed on it as it jolted, flying away and above the air. A few seconds passed and it turned invisible. 

Taiga blinked and turned back to the ever-silent Aomine. “So, you gonna get out too?” He asked. Aomine wiggled his eyebrows in response, and it took Taiga booting him the fuck out to make him stop. 

He pouted at the door for the entire time Taiga was changing (“If we’re gonna get married, then why can’t I see you change? It’s not fair!” “I’ve known you for like, a day. Chill, dude, and go do whatever demons do when they’re whining and crying.” “Oh, fuck you, Taiga,” “Yeah, you wish, don't you?” “You got that right.”). But after Taiga actually put a pair of sweatpants on and wasn’t half-naked (hey, all he wears to sleep is boxers and a pair of socks) he let Aomine back in. 

They sat in a relative silence, since Taiga had pointed at the DVD mess at the floor like a scolding mother and Aomine had snapped his fingers together, righting them and putting them back on Taiga’s shelf. There wasn’t much to do after that.

A minute passed before Kuroko came back, and began tapping the window with his stupidly pale and slender fingers. In his left hand, he held a McDonald’s milkshake that was piled with whipped cream on top, and several extra cherries.

It made Taiga’s mouth water. 

Unfortunately, for Taiga, Kuroko wasn’t in the mood for sharing. Taiga tried to nick a cherry, but Kuroko swatted his hand away without looking at him, and began to converse with Aomine. 

“Aomine-kun, have you seen Nigou?” He asked politely, and Aomine shook his head no in response. 

Kuroko frowned, furrowing his eyebrows. “But I want him to be the ring bearer at the wedding. I won’t stand to have anyone else give us our rings.” Kuroko didn’t whine, per say, but he did have a petulant kind of lilt to his voice that made Taiga aware of the fact that he was upset and distressed over this. 

“Who’s Nigou?” Taiga asked. He scratched his stomach, his grey tank top rising. 

“My pet dog.” Kuroko responded. Taiga’s hand halted on his abs, and he retracted it slowly, ever so slowly, and clenched it into a fist. 

“Look, guys, I know this last day has been great; I really enjoyed being your friend, and I was glad to be called your. . . Finance? Wait no, fiance. But if you have a dog, then I’m really sorry, but this can’t go on. Take your stuff and get off my property.” Taiga said, his voice a weird tone of trying to sound apologetic, but turning exactly the opposite. He pointed his finger to the door, and gave his two ex-lovers a sad, weary smile. 

However on the inside his mind was on fire and all three-hundred-twenty-four mini-Taigas were running around, screaming and screeching incoherent words, all trying to escape from the bright, flashing, neon red sign hanging in his mind that spelled out “dog”. 

“Taiga-san, your mind is a weird place,” Kuroko commented. It seemed he and Aomine had completely disregarded his break up, though Aomine seemed to be snickering about something behind his hand. 

Though then there was the fact that Kuroko commented on his mind being a weird place even though he shouldn't have access to it. But he was an alien, so? 

“Do you have mind-reading powers?” Taiga accused. Kuroko let out an apologetic nod of his head, and Aomine’s snickers turned into full-on laughs. 

“G-God, you- you fuckin’ idiot! How did- did you not know that?” Aomine choked out between laughs. Taiga was kind of pissed, because like? He wasn’t told,  _ ever _ , what kind of superpowers aliens are supposed to have. And just fuck Aomine, he’s an asshole (though he’s a hot asshole who makes Taiga feel not angry inside but kinda annoyed though there is the prevailing sense of comfort from the demon).

Taiga threw his alarm clock at the tanned male. It hit it’s target- right in between Aomine’s thighs. Aomine howled, reaching down and bending his back as he clutched at his injured manhood. Or maybe demonhood. Taiga wasn't too sure on that, he’d have to ask. 

Kuroko let out a cute little giggle, and wow Taiga’s heart did not go doki doki! And he sure as hell didn’t start to feel fluttering butterflies in his stomach (the good kind), and no, sorry, he wasn’t filled with an unimaginable warmth in his heart that felt so good and- wait this didn’t happen so why is he describing it (because it did happen and he realizes all too well that he’s now screwed [preferably by Kuroko {and Aomine, because wow that dude is hot and even though he annoys Taiga he still makes him feel kinda warm and happy on the inside}]. There’s a big storm coming for him, Taiga knows this for sure).

“Fuck.” Taiga says. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: i'm yikes incarnate™  
> Also kagami developing crushes on the two is 2 cute for me  
> Give me good dank comments and kudos and bookmarks please and thank u  
> p.s. If you’ve read my story he’s a fighter then you may begin to notice that this story /might/ be updated significantly faster bc I write shorter chapters for it and it’s easier to write for since I memorized like everything about Kagami and I don’t have to follow canon events  
> hey guys leave me some comments and kudos and bookmarks pls thanks


	3. wendy wendy wendy haha she might actually be dead we don't know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which taiga and kuroko and aomine do something that will probably have them arrested- that is, if the police can find them.
> 
> also, old nintendo mario

The morning, after that, went normally. Taiga, Kuroko, and Aomine began to play video games, mainly games on Taiga’s outdated Super Nintendo, previously his mother’s, from like, the 80’s-90’s- he couldn’t remember the year it came out (also a little heads up if you talk trash about his Nintendo he’ll fuck you up man don’t even try it).

 

The three took turns playing Super Mario World, and it made Taiga feel like not as big of a failure as he normally does because he knew all the secrets and shortcuts to get the most lives. Kuroko and Aomine were ignorant to how to play the game and hadn’t ever played a Nintendo before, so that helped Taiga tremendously too.

 

Taiga saw himself as their sensei. He was a wise, young man, fresh out of school (hey it’s summer like fuck he’s going to the Summer School classes {even if he’s supposed to, but hey, he’s getting married so isn't that a reason to not go? Also fuck Mr. Matthews he’s such a dick it’s not Taiga’s fault he has some type of dyslexia he doesn’t remember the name of}).

 

Taiga would be the one to teach them the old, wise ways of video games.

 

Around 1:00, Taiga and Kuroko saved their game (Aomine, instead of playing, opting to lean on Taiga’s back and watch the two play, his fingers trailing up and down Kuroko’s spine and and his breath tickling Taiga’s neck gently). Taiga then decided they should go to get something to eat- preferably not from his house, because his stupid father hired stupid nutritionists to make their meals, and Taiga just wants some fuckin burgers that aren't low-calorie, or whatever the fuck is supposed to be healthier. And he also just doesn’t like that dumb Gary (the nutritionist. Gary is an okay guy until you bring up the topic of food. Taiga wants to force fast food down the man’s throat one day, so he can feel the bittersweet love that fast food brings).

 

So they decided to go to the nearest fast food restaurant- McDonalds. They had to walk, though, because Taiga didn’t want to get his car out of the garage and he didn’t much fancy biking there.

 

So, in the sweltering, hot, blazing heat, they walked.

 

Taiga’s wallet, phone, and keys felt heavy in his khaki’s pockets, kind of like they could fall from the added weight, and Taiga briefly considered going back for a belt, but in the end decided not to because they were almost there.

 

They made awkward small talk on the way- something along the lines of Aomine telling a story about how he sucked someone’s soul out through their dick, and Kuroko commenting on how lewd Aomine was.

 

Taiga sort of felt like the odd man out. These were experiences that were A.) supernatural in nature, B.) something that happened before he was born, and C.) not anything he could relate to (besides the sucking dick part because he’s done that a bunch and he’s gotten it done to him).

 

And really, Kuroko and Aomine had this type of chemistry that seemed to attract the two to each other.

 

So it was with a slightly dejected air that Taiga walked into McDonalds, welcoming the air-conditioning and his favorite waitress, Wendy.

 

“Hey, Taiga, got some new friends with ya?” Wendy asked, a smile on her face as she happily went through with her work.

 

Despite his initial depression, he had to smile at Wendy. She was too charming not to. Her dark brown eyes always shone with a sort kindness that you’d be hard-pressed to find anywhere else.

 

“Yeah,” Taiga grinned a bit, his eyes closing slightly. Wendy let out a good-natured chuckle, and suddenly, the light, casual mood was gone.

 

Taiga wasn’t too sure why, but he thought that it may be Aomine, because _oh, shit his eyes are turning black like what the fuck what what what-_

 

And then Taiga remembered that Aomine was a demon, so his fear lessened a lot. His eyes actually kind of looked cool, to be honest. 

 

Wendy, meanwhile, had dropped her towel she was holding and began to shake violently. “T-Taiga, I-I don’t mean to alarm you, really, but uh- uh, your friend, his eyes. . . They’re. . . They're uh- very dark and-”

 

Wendy didn't get another word out. Her eyes closed and her face smoothed out as she fell unconscious. Taiga wondered if maybe Aomine or Kuroko killed her.

 

No, probably not.

 

But _dammit, Wendy is his favorite waitress, and now she’s basically in a mini coma, and god, Jeff is her replacement and Jeff fucking sucks I hate Jeff his shift is starting in a few and godDAMMIT AOMINE AND KUROKO WHY DID YOU HAVE TO-_

 

“Did you make her pass out?” Taiga asked, feigning calmness. On the inside he was bashing his head into a wall repeatedly. Kuroko let out a hum of agreement.

 

“My apologies, Taiga-san, but Aomine-kun would have surely sent her to Hell if she kept smiling at you like that,” Kuroko spit out distastefully, as if the word ‘that’ had purposely done him a disservice, or killed his whole family besides the pet tarantula which he’d been trying to poison for three years.

 

“Like what?” Taiga asked.

 

Aomine and Kuroko sighed, shaking their heads to each other. “Like nothing, just forget about it,” Aomine mumbled, his eyes darting from Taiga’s. Taiga just shrugged, and then scowled when he seen Jeff walk out of the Worker’s room on the side of the establishment, and then gasp as he saw Wendy laying on the ground,  clearly unconscious. It didn’t help that Taiga, Kuroko and Aomine were standing in front of her lifeless-looking body.

 

Jeff probably thought that they killed her.

 

“Run,” Taiga whispered, turning on his heel and pushing the door open. Aomine let out an indignant sort of scoff, one that Taiga assumed meant something along the lines of, ‘If he wants to fight, I’ll fight him and beat his ass’.

 

Thankfully, Kuroko followed Taiga out, not bothering to use his freaky ass alien powers on Jeff, and so Aomine begrudgingly followed.

 

They all ran in silence, bar their panting breaths and footfalls on the sunny sidewalk. They stopped after a couple blocks, Aomine the only one who wasn’t wheezing. Damn demon.

 

“Well, thanks, guys, for being assholes and getting me kicked out of my favorite hangout,” Taiga said bitterly to his two companions as he walked down the sidewalk, his breathing relatively back to normal. Kuroko hummed, as if to say, ‘no problem, Taiga-san’, and Aomine let out a huff.

 

“Whatever, it’s fine. You’re not gonna be here for much longer anyways,” Aomine muttered, a frown on his face. His eyes were narrowed and looking up at the bright blue sky. His arms, which had been crossed on his chest unfolded.

 

“Uh?” Taiga said confusedly. Kuroko jabbed Aomine in the ribs, and Aomine sighed.

 

“Look- if we’re gonna get married, we ain’t doin’ it here. This world is a dump, and I don’t want any of your stupid priests to marry us. Last time I met a priest I was almost exorcised and killed.” Aomine said defensively. Kuroko let out a hum of approval.

 

"Well, to be fair, you did try and murder his family." 

 

"They stole my car!"

 

"The wife was about to go into labor and needed a hospital."

 

Taiga was contemplating the meaning of life and wondering what he did to deserve his two crushes on absolutely infuriating idiots.

 

Nonetheless, he answered relatively calmly, ignoring the rest of the conversation. “Oh yeah? And what if I don’t go with you?” He asked, even though he knew he’d follow them, wherever the hell they chose to go.

 

Aomine smirked, and Kuroko just took Taiga’s hand and laced their fingers together, resulting in Taiga almost getting a heart attack, and feeling fuzzy and warm inside.

 

“Then we’ll drug you and take you anyways.” Aomine stated proudly.

 

It was then that Taiga realized the small voice in the back of his head, that had been talking to him since he met these two fuckers, was actually telling him, ‘stop, run away as fast as you can’ and not, ‘The FitnessGram Pacer Test™  is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. Beep. A single lap should be completed every time you hear this sound. Beep boop. Remember to run in a straight line and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark. Get ready!… Start.’

 

But it was whatever, really. Kuroko is cute, and Aomine, while being a piece of shit, was toned as fuck.

  
So Taiga could live with their not-human tendencies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> let me just tell you one thing about why i havent updated
> 
> tahno from the legend of korra.
> 
> the light of my life, tahno, my trash daddy 
> 
> also im stupid and procrastinate
> 
> hope u liked this chapter tho even if it was short and not looked over and probably filled with errors and also not funny and also also probably shit, not The Shit, just shit
> 
> but hey jeff is my uncles name but he doesnt work at a fast food restaurant (not like working at one is a bad thing, he just works at like, his work)
> 
> PLS COMMENT AND KUDOS AND BOOKMARK THIS STORY PLS THANK
> 
> no seriously please i thrive off of your comments and the fact that this shitty story of mine has actual people liking it

**Author's Note:**

> a/n: updates are random and this fic is pretty self-indulgent so idk how often it’ll be updated but it won't be abandoned, ever  
> Also i don't look over what i write so if there’s any glaringly obvious mistakes or just mistakes in general then tell me and I’ll fix them
> 
> ALSO ALSO i updated the summary 
> 
> and the name actually I just made the comma a semi-colon bc i thought that ppl would understand it better bc youre supposed to read it like
> 
> place your hands on my heart
> 
> you're like the roaring waves
> 
> its personal to me tbh, and like, those two lines are kind of what made me feel so deeply abt this fic, so. ye.


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